she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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