and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
