At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
