I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
