Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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