fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
