he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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