What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
