Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
