Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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