There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
