I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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