somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
