the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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