Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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