i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
