Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
