Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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