The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
