no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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