Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
