I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
