really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
