We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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