if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
