mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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