I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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