Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
soo... how was my night?
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