If i come over, it means nothing
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
