what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
