I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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