In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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