My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think your dad took our porno
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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