i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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