I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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