Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
