Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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