Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and she was petting her beer can
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
