they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
