Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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