That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
do nipples grow back?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
