Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How naked do you want me to be?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
