Kiss
Puke
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
