sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
