I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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