According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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