yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
