Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
