Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
