Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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