On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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