her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
