I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
