I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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