omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
