she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
