is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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