Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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