my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
